My kids can never make up their minds. They want to ride their bikes, they want to play inside, they want to play basketball, they want to watch TV. My back door never stops opening. Someday they'll decide where they want to be and they'll stay put. We can be like that as Christians too. We want to follow God, but something more interesting comes along. We feel guilty because we abandon God and return, only to be lured away again. God loves us and knows our hearts and is waiting when we come back. As you continue to practice your faith, you get better at it. That is, you get better at staying faithful to God. It's very easy to let temptation lure you away and very hard to stay strong. Satan preys at our weaknesses. He knows exactly what to say or show us to distract us from our focus on God. He'll use your vanity, your children, your self-doubt or whatever else he can find. You have to decide if you're going to let Satan keep you OUT of God's plan for you or if you're going to fight to stay IN God's plan. The fight against Satan and temptation never ends. Satan knows my weakness - financial concerns and waste. He uses my children to get to me. They get into to food when we're on a tight budget and eat things that are ingredients for meals. I don't have the money to replace these ingredients and I let stress over finances take over instead of handing my worries to God. So I snap in front of my children and lose my temper. I try to teach my children when we're worried, we need to pray for God to take our worries away otherwise Satan sneaks IN and we want to keep him OUT of our lives. Leave God in control - I know this is so hard to do. Just to trust He'll take care of all your worries, but if you trust in God, He'll never let you down.
Romans 3:23 For we all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
God loves me despite all of my flaws and sins, but that doesn't mean he loves my flaws and sins, he wants me to try and improve myself. He doesn't expect me to be perfect, he wants me to try to be perfect. I love all of my friends and family despite their flaws and sins, but that doesn't mean I want you to keep sinning. Rethink your faith and examine your life, do you really know where you're going?
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Just Say NO!
One recent afternoon my brother-in-law explained how he took his daughter to get her belly button pierced. He found every reason to justify doing it even though he said he was against it. He explained that she would have done it on her own anyway and he wanted to make sure she got it done by a professional so it wouldn't get infected. I responded by telling him that by taking her, he discredited his authority as her father. He wasn't justifying taking her, he was justifying giving in. It's been this way for years. His daughter lives with his ex-wife and she manipulates him by refusing to speak to him or come for visitation if she doesn't get her way. He encourages this behavior by giving in - every time. So it gets infected? It's a piercing, not a liver transplant. Topical antibiotics administered with an "I told you so" would prove a bit humbling for her.
Being a strong parent is hard. Satan finds our weak spot and works through it. Satan whispered in his ear, "it's okay, you don't want to let her down." I've watched her grow from a three year old to the defiant, rebellious sixteen year old she is now. She wasn't told no. When she wanted the grapes on a plate instead of a bowl at age four, Grandma gave in 30 seconds into the tantrum; then she was seven and wanted to sit in the front seat, despite car seat laws requiring her to be in a booster seat in the back seat, Grandma didn't want her to be upset in public. She learned that if she threw even the slightest fit, she could get her way because Daddy and Grandma didn't want her to be upset and her mother didn't really care anyway. It's so sad because the people who cared enough to want to mold her character weren't strong enough to stand up against the evil that propelled her to make unreasonable demands. I believe in tough love. Stand your ground and tell the child "No, because I said so." My niece has no respect for authority, because the authority figures in her life have been so easy to manipulate. She doesn't visit my house once she found out there are rules and I enforce them. Now she's having trouble in school and been caught violating curfew - our town has a mandated curfew for minors, unless they're accompanied by a parent. She will likely have problems getting and keeping a job, staying out of trouble with the law and fighting addiction all because she was never taught denial or self control. She's already sexually active and we worry that a child with no moral standards, will be soon raising her own child through the welfare system. Update: since I since I started writing this we found out she is now pregnant and the father is already out of the picture.
We have to stand strong as parents. It's easier to keep evil at bay with Jesus at your side. I worry about the youth in here in the United States. So many parents have abandoned raising their child to obey God, opting to try and win the coolest parent award. Instead of using discipline to mold and train our children, they use bribery. I'll buy you _____, if you'll _____. It follows the typical path laid out by Satan. It starts off looking innocent. You bribe the child with a toy to avoid a tantrum at the checkout. Before you know it, you can't get out of any store without buying them something. Since you purchase a $5-$10 item each time you go to the store, you have to top that at Christmas and their birthday. Each year you try to outdo the last and before you know it you've taught materialism to your child and worse, you've taught them to manipulate people. The sad thing is, they don't appreciate anything you've bought them because it was never about getting something they truly wanted, it was about getting their way.
I pray that each adult, who reads this, realizes that as adults we have a very important responsibility to raise our children to honor God. It takes a village to raise a child, when the village turns a blind eye to abomination the village is equally at fault as those who sinned according to the scriptures. When we allow others to sin or encourage others to sin, we are just as guilty as those who have sinned. It's as if we're accomplices in their sin.
James 1:22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.
James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
Being a strong parent is hard. Satan finds our weak spot and works through it. Satan whispered in his ear, "it's okay, you don't want to let her down." I've watched her grow from a three year old to the defiant, rebellious sixteen year old she is now. She wasn't told no. When she wanted the grapes on a plate instead of a bowl at age four, Grandma gave in 30 seconds into the tantrum; then she was seven and wanted to sit in the front seat, despite car seat laws requiring her to be in a booster seat in the back seat, Grandma didn't want her to be upset in public. She learned that if she threw even the slightest fit, she could get her way because Daddy and Grandma didn't want her to be upset and her mother didn't really care anyway. It's so sad because the people who cared enough to want to mold her character weren't strong enough to stand up against the evil that propelled her to make unreasonable demands. I believe in tough love. Stand your ground and tell the child "No, because I said so." My niece has no respect for authority, because the authority figures in her life have been so easy to manipulate. She doesn't visit my house once she found out there are rules and I enforce them. Now she's having trouble in school and been caught violating curfew - our town has a mandated curfew for minors, unless they're accompanied by a parent. She will likely have problems getting and keeping a job, staying out of trouble with the law and fighting addiction all because she was never taught denial or self control. She's already sexually active and we worry that a child with no moral standards, will be soon raising her own child through the welfare system. Update: since I since I started writing this we found out she is now pregnant and the father is already out of the picture.
We have to stand strong as parents. It's easier to keep evil at bay with Jesus at your side. I worry about the youth in here in the United States. So many parents have abandoned raising their child to obey God, opting to try and win the coolest parent award. Instead of using discipline to mold and train our children, they use bribery. I'll buy you _____, if you'll _____. It follows the typical path laid out by Satan. It starts off looking innocent. You bribe the child with a toy to avoid a tantrum at the checkout. Before you know it, you can't get out of any store without buying them something. Since you purchase a $5-$10 item each time you go to the store, you have to top that at Christmas and their birthday. Each year you try to outdo the last and before you know it you've taught materialism to your child and worse, you've taught them to manipulate people. The sad thing is, they don't appreciate anything you've bought them because it was never about getting something they truly wanted, it was about getting their way.
I pray that each adult, who reads this, realizes that as adults we have a very important responsibility to raise our children to honor God. It takes a village to raise a child, when the village turns a blind eye to abomination the village is equally at fault as those who sinned according to the scriptures. When we allow others to sin or encourage others to sin, we are just as guilty as those who have sinned. It's as if we're accomplices in their sin.
James 1:22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.
James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Listening...
I'm always telling my children to listen. "Pay attention and listen to me! I'm trying to teach you something!" Wow. God is up there somewhere saying the same thing to me. When we're down here in the trenches trying to figure out this thing called life, it's natural to want to take the bull by the horns and do things how we want to do them.
I was determined we were going to move closer to my parents. We were constantly getting calls from them asking we if we were going to be in town, because they needed help with a little project. When gas prices skyrocketed, it was almost $10 in gas to make the trip to their house, so we began to add a visit to Grandma's house to our schedule when running errands. We decided to take out a loan from our 401K account and do some needed repairs to get our house ready to sell. With four kids underfoot and only one of them old enough to be helpful, the project backfired. We weren't able to meet the goals we had set for ourselves and the town we lived in went from being the hot spot to buy, to being the last place to look. We found ourselves facing foreclosure and our resources were tapped out. I had found a home I had hoped to buy and knew our window was gone. The home was in a picturesque residential neighborhood, four blocks from the elementary school and five minutes from my parents' house. I envisioned leisurely strolls in the evening and walking the dog to escort the kids to and from school, bicycle rides to Grandma's house with the kids. I was disappointed, but I knew another house would come along, so we plodded along, adjusting our deadlines and praying we would find a way to get everything done and sell our house quickly.
I had emotionally detached myself from the house several years before. It had sucked our savings account dry long before we decided to sell it. The previous owner had used it as a rental property and knew nothing about repairs, so every handyman he had ever hired had ripped him off by doing shoddy work and painting over it. I finally contacted a friend who was was a mortgage broker. She ran our credit reports and told us that they would view a short-sale the same as a foreclosure. She advised us to get out while we could. It was a situation where we had to cut our losses before we ended up homeless. I began the miserable search for a rental home. With four children we needed at least a three bedroom home. I pulled up the local property management association's website and there was the home I'd driven past at least once a month for the past year. It would be available in 2 weeks. I called the rental agency and scheduled an appointment. She commented that she was surprised she hadn't had any interest in it, because the previous year she had 6 phone calls the first day it was listed. I found 2-3 other houses that would be big enough and in the area we needed to be and made a list of addresses. With four kids in tow, we met the leasing agent at the house the next day. I worried when we pulled up in front because it looked small from the outside. It was much larger on the inside and seemed to be an ideal layout for us. I couldn't believe it. I told her we were interested and were looking at two more and I would let her know later that day. We drove past each of the other two and when we saw how run down looking they were, we called her back and told her we'd take it. For a year I'd been praying for the chance to buy this house. A few days later, I called to schedule a time to sign the lease and the phone number on the listing was incorrect. I went to her website and found the correct number and realized that no one else had called because of the wrong number. God's hand was definitely in this. After she corrected the number there were numerous calls about the house.
2 Timothy 1:12-14 That indeed is the reason why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know in whom my trust reposes, and I am confident that He has it in His power to keep what I have entrusted to Him safe until that day. (13)What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus. (14)Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you--guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.
2 Timothy 1:12-14 That indeed is the reason why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know in whom my trust reposes, and I am confident that He has it in His power to keep what I have entrusted to Him safe until that day. (13)What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus. (14)Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you--guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.
The owners had been unable to sell it and decided to rent it out. Perfect, because we were in no position to buy the house at this point. We moved in and discovered a slow drain the master bathroom. There was a leak in sink drain pipe in the main bath. A month later the hot water heater quit working. Fortunately we were renting and just had to call the leasing agent. Another month went by and the hot water heater quit working again. This time it was replaced. I realized God knew that if we bought this house when I first became interested in it, we would have been straddled with repairs right away. We were already strapped. Now we can rent our dream house until we can establish our savings and repair our credit. I was thrilled. What an amazing opportunity God had blessed us with. If I had done things my way, we would have missed out on our house. My children are happy and despite the financial stress, my husband and I are happier than we've ever been. It's amazing the difference being in the right home can make.
On a side note: If you are facing foreclosure on your home, don't despair. Trust in God and pray and he will absolve your fears - He has a plan for you, don't give up. I hate that our credit is tarnished, but God uses a different set of standards to judge us than the credit agencies do. Renting isn't such a bad thing if you have a good landlord. If something breaks, you call them and they fix it.
There are definitely advantages to owning your own home: if you purchase it in your 30's with a 20 year mortgage, it will be paid off when you are in your 50's and if you continue to pay your mortgage payment to yourself in a separate savings account, once you retire you should have a good maintenance fund established. Maintaining your home is important and you shouldn't buy one unless you are able to maintain it.
On a side note: If you are facing foreclosure on your home, don't despair. Trust in God and pray and he will absolve your fears - He has a plan for you, don't give up. I hate that our credit is tarnished, but God uses a different set of standards to judge us than the credit agencies do. Renting isn't such a bad thing if you have a good landlord. If something breaks, you call them and they fix it.
There are definitely advantages to owning your own home: if you purchase it in your 30's with a 20 year mortgage, it will be paid off when you are in your 50's and if you continue to pay your mortgage payment to yourself in a separate savings account, once you retire you should have a good maintenance fund established. Maintaining your home is important and you shouldn't buy one unless you are able to maintain it.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Sacrifice
The word sacrifice has many meanings. It generally means you give something (a material possession) up for something else (non-tangible) of greater value. In today's society it is often confused with compromise. Compromise is when each party makes concessions and gives up a little something. Newsflash: God doesn't compromise. He expects us to sacrifice for his gift of eternal life. Here's how it goes:
Let's say you love to play golf. All of your buddies decide to join a league and they want you to join. Tee-off is every Sunday at 9:45am. Wow, that doesn't let you attend either Sunday morning service at church. Okay, you'll compromise. It's only for 12 weeks and you'll go to church every time the course is closed for bad weather. Nope. God wants you to sacrifice. His way says tell your buddies if you can't make it to church, they'll have to find another player to complete their foursome. That's a big difference. Giving up something you think you love to show God that he is the one you truly love is sacrifice. Sacrificing is like giving up an addiction. It can be incredibly hard, because we think we need this thing we've become attached to in our materialistic world. It's very hard to let go of some things.
For many women the decision whether to stay home and raise your kids or continue working is very difficult. We've invested in an education or training for a skill and to throw that all away and just be a mom seems wasteful. In some cases the income is needed. Your spouse is not employed or finishing his education, or you are a single mother. Obviously, your family has to eat and bills need to be paid. But for most two parent households it really is a choice. The question is: could your family live in a smaller home? Would you all die if you didn't get to go to Disney World on vacation? Could you live without a swimming pool in your back yard. Would clothing that didn't have a designer label cause you to become ill? If you didn't eat out several times a week, would you starve to death? If you are a professional food critic, you are justified in eating out several times a week. If you are a competitive swimmer or teach swimming in your back yard pool, you can have it. If you have ten kids, a two or three bedroom home won't quite cut it - unless those are REALLY big bedrooms. Designer labels don't change who we are inside and if you aren't beautiful on the inside God doesn't care how beautiful you are on the outside. You don't have to take your kids to Disney World for them to have a memorable vacation. They just want to spend time with you doing something out of the ordinary. Think back on your childhood. What memories made you feel loved? Was it your mom dropping you off at childcare or taking a day off work to spend with you? Was it eating at the usual Friday night place or helping her prepare a meal in the kitchen? My youngest daughter had to be readmitted to the hospital when she was five days old. I was doing some freelance sewing work and had a deadline to finish, so I took the sewing machine and fabric to the hospital with me and sewed in her room. A surgeon walking past the room heard the noise and poked his head in to see what it was. His mother used to stay up late and sew many of their clothes and do sewing she took in to save for her children's college educations. He recognized the sound of the sewing machine and shared his memory of his mother. She had passed away some time before and his wife didn't sew and it had been a long time since he heard that sound. He talked with me about sewing for a bit and walked away with a smile on his face as he savored his memory of his mother sewing. The memory was very precious to this man who saves lives for a living. It's fine to want to provide for our children and give them more than what we had. It motivates us to work hard. We just have to remember not to lose sight of our goals and understand the true reasons in our hearts for doing what we do. Our children want to be loved by us. They don't care how many things we buy them if we don't show them we love them. I remember visiting a dear friend in high school once and she opened her closet to show me what she was going to be wearing for an upcoming special occasion. My jaw dropped when I saw the most crammed closet full of beautiful designer clothes I'd ever seen in my life (to this day!). They meant nothing to my friend. Her mother bought them for her out of guilt to make up for not being a good mother. They lived in a beautiful home with beautiful furnishings and had traveled all over but her mother loved her career and alcohol more than her daughter. When I finally reacquainted with this friend through Facebook after nearly 25 years, she still treasured a little trinket of a going away gift I had given her when they moved away. She loved visiting our crowded, cluttered home because she always felt loved there. Eventually, children will grow up and look back on their childhood. The memories they keep, both good and bad, are the ones that made a deep impression on them. When we show our children we are willing to sacrifice a more comfortable life to spend more time loving them, they will grow up knowing that loving someone is more important than accumulating things. Sacrifice for God and teach your children to do so as well.
Deuteronomy 32:46
And he said to them, Set your hearts to all the words which I testify among you this day, which you shall command your children to observe to do, all the words of this law.
Take a few moments to remember the times in your childhood that you felt most loved by your parents and write down the top five to ten memories. I've shared mine below:
1.) My mother saying let's hurry up and get the table cleared and the dishes done and we'll make fudge (or no bake cookies or black cows). (Work should come before pleasure.)
2.) A camping trip to Lake Michigan and my father showing us a set of deer prints along the trail. He had us wait together next to them while he ran back to get some plaster of paris and water to make casts of them. I think he still has them. (To this day I don't know what possessed him to bring plaster of paris on a camping trip.)
3.) Same trip to Lake Michigan we walked along the beach and my dad pointed out different birds and plants to us taking pictures and exploring a lighthouse.
4.) Hanging out on my parents bed with my brothers talking to my mom or watching a little 13" television because she would watch our shows with us and not scold us for talking while the TV was on. (She taught us that fellowship was important.)
5.) My friends insisting on a study break so they could help me devour my mom's latest care package in college. (One friend was never the same once she discovered a huge margarine tub containing my mom's homemade buttercream frosting and a package of graham crackers.) (There were always indulgences, within our means.)
6.) My mom making homemade donuts as entertainment/snacks when she was babysitting for about 8 of our neighbor kids. (Holes punched out of canned biscuit dough and everyone had a job, cutting holes, handing them to mom, holding the draining plate, powdered sugaring, cinnamon sugaring, glazing, etc.) One of those kids is my best friend and she still remembers my mom making the best junk food ever. (Instead of purchased snacks, or keeping us busy while she prepared them, she taught us all to work as a team to accomplish a goal and taught us that every person's role no matter how small was important.)
7.) Visiting Taos Pueblo, NM on vacation and my dad being patient enough to answer all of our questions and ask someone the ones he didn't know the answers to. (He showed me that while he knew a great deal, he didn't have all the answers and he wasn't afraid to ask for help when he needed it.)
8) My mother giving me a quarter and a real handkerchief for my little purse to carry to church on Sunday mornings. I loved having that quarter to put in the offering. She would always primp my clothes and take extra care doing my hair on Sundays. (She taught me to be respectful of church and that by dressing up, we showed that church was a special and important thing in our lives.)
9) Watching my parents smile as they watched us open our Christmas presents (which weren't numerous) on Christmas morning and knowing they were happy simply because we were happy. (We felt loved knowing that they were joyfully giving to us, the same way God feels that we love him when we give joyfully.)
10) Knowing I could take my problems to my parents and they would always help me find a solution.
It was their actions that told me they loved me even though they said it regularly, my mother said it less than my father did, but she showed us so much more. Think about the relationship you have with your children. Ask them what their favorite memory is with you. How often can you relive that memory for real with them?
Let's say you love to play golf. All of your buddies decide to join a league and they want you to join. Tee-off is every Sunday at 9:45am. Wow, that doesn't let you attend either Sunday morning service at church. Okay, you'll compromise. It's only for 12 weeks and you'll go to church every time the course is closed for bad weather. Nope. God wants you to sacrifice. His way says tell your buddies if you can't make it to church, they'll have to find another player to complete their foursome. That's a big difference. Giving up something you think you love to show God that he is the one you truly love is sacrifice. Sacrificing is like giving up an addiction. It can be incredibly hard, because we think we need this thing we've become attached to in our materialistic world. It's very hard to let go of some things.
For many women the decision whether to stay home and raise your kids or continue working is very difficult. We've invested in an education or training for a skill and to throw that all away and just be a mom seems wasteful. In some cases the income is needed. Your spouse is not employed or finishing his education, or you are a single mother. Obviously, your family has to eat and bills need to be paid. But for most two parent households it really is a choice. The question is: could your family live in a smaller home? Would you all die if you didn't get to go to Disney World on vacation? Could you live without a swimming pool in your back yard. Would clothing that didn't have a designer label cause you to become ill? If you didn't eat out several times a week, would you starve to death? If you are a professional food critic, you are justified in eating out several times a week. If you are a competitive swimmer or teach swimming in your back yard pool, you can have it. If you have ten kids, a two or three bedroom home won't quite cut it - unless those are REALLY big bedrooms. Designer labels don't change who we are inside and if you aren't beautiful on the inside God doesn't care how beautiful you are on the outside. You don't have to take your kids to Disney World for them to have a memorable vacation. They just want to spend time with you doing something out of the ordinary. Think back on your childhood. What memories made you feel loved? Was it your mom dropping you off at childcare or taking a day off work to spend with you? Was it eating at the usual Friday night place or helping her prepare a meal in the kitchen? My youngest daughter had to be readmitted to the hospital when she was five days old. I was doing some freelance sewing work and had a deadline to finish, so I took the sewing machine and fabric to the hospital with me and sewed in her room. A surgeon walking past the room heard the noise and poked his head in to see what it was. His mother used to stay up late and sew many of their clothes and do sewing she took in to save for her children's college educations. He recognized the sound of the sewing machine and shared his memory of his mother. She had passed away some time before and his wife didn't sew and it had been a long time since he heard that sound. He talked with me about sewing for a bit and walked away with a smile on his face as he savored his memory of his mother sewing. The memory was very precious to this man who saves lives for a living. It's fine to want to provide for our children and give them more than what we had. It motivates us to work hard. We just have to remember not to lose sight of our goals and understand the true reasons in our hearts for doing what we do. Our children want to be loved by us. They don't care how many things we buy them if we don't show them we love them. I remember visiting a dear friend in high school once and she opened her closet to show me what she was going to be wearing for an upcoming special occasion. My jaw dropped when I saw the most crammed closet full of beautiful designer clothes I'd ever seen in my life (to this day!). They meant nothing to my friend. Her mother bought them for her out of guilt to make up for not being a good mother. They lived in a beautiful home with beautiful furnishings and had traveled all over but her mother loved her career and alcohol more than her daughter. When I finally reacquainted with this friend through Facebook after nearly 25 years, she still treasured a little trinket of a going away gift I had given her when they moved away. She loved visiting our crowded, cluttered home because she always felt loved there. Eventually, children will grow up and look back on their childhood. The memories they keep, both good and bad, are the ones that made a deep impression on them. When we show our children we are willing to sacrifice a more comfortable life to spend more time loving them, they will grow up knowing that loving someone is more important than accumulating things. Sacrifice for God and teach your children to do so as well.
Deuteronomy 32:46
And he said to them, Set your hearts to all the words which I testify among you this day, which you shall command your children to observe to do, all the words of this law.
Take a few moments to remember the times in your childhood that you felt most loved by your parents and write down the top five to ten memories. I've shared mine below:
1.) My mother saying let's hurry up and get the table cleared and the dishes done and we'll make fudge (or no bake cookies or black cows). (Work should come before pleasure.)
2.) A camping trip to Lake Michigan and my father showing us a set of deer prints along the trail. He had us wait together next to them while he ran back to get some plaster of paris and water to make casts of them. I think he still has them. (To this day I don't know what possessed him to bring plaster of paris on a camping trip.)
3.) Same trip to Lake Michigan we walked along the beach and my dad pointed out different birds and plants to us taking pictures and exploring a lighthouse.
4.) Hanging out on my parents bed with my brothers talking to my mom or watching a little 13" television because she would watch our shows with us and not scold us for talking while the TV was on. (She taught us that fellowship was important.)
5.) My friends insisting on a study break so they could help me devour my mom's latest care package in college. (One friend was never the same once she discovered a huge margarine tub containing my mom's homemade buttercream frosting and a package of graham crackers.) (There were always indulgences, within our means.)
6.) My mom making homemade donuts as entertainment/snacks when she was babysitting for about 8 of our neighbor kids. (Holes punched out of canned biscuit dough and everyone had a job, cutting holes, handing them to mom, holding the draining plate, powdered sugaring, cinnamon sugaring, glazing, etc.) One of those kids is my best friend and she still remembers my mom making the best junk food ever. (Instead of purchased snacks, or keeping us busy while she prepared them, she taught us all to work as a team to accomplish a goal and taught us that every person's role no matter how small was important.)
7.) Visiting Taos Pueblo, NM on vacation and my dad being patient enough to answer all of our questions and ask someone the ones he didn't know the answers to. (He showed me that while he knew a great deal, he didn't have all the answers and he wasn't afraid to ask for help when he needed it.)
8) My mother giving me a quarter and a real handkerchief for my little purse to carry to church on Sunday mornings. I loved having that quarter to put in the offering. She would always primp my clothes and take extra care doing my hair on Sundays. (She taught me to be respectful of church and that by dressing up, we showed that church was a special and important thing in our lives.)
9) Watching my parents smile as they watched us open our Christmas presents (which weren't numerous) on Christmas morning and knowing they were happy simply because we were happy. (We felt loved knowing that they were joyfully giving to us, the same way God feels that we love him when we give joyfully.)
10) Knowing I could take my problems to my parents and they would always help me find a solution.
It was their actions that told me they loved me even though they said it regularly, my mother said it less than my father did, but she showed us so much more. Think about the relationship you have with your children. Ask them what their favorite memory is with you. How often can you relive that memory for real with them?
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Are You Mary or Martha?
In several recent Bible studies the story of Jesus visiting Mary and Martha has come up. Luke 10:38-42 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
As a wife and mother, there is always a daily to do list I need to accomplish. We've been taught in society that a good wife keeps a perfectly clean home, presents deliciously prepared meals and has well behaved children. The ideal wife and mother image is almost as unattainable as the ideal supermodel image. Martha felt it was important to clean and have the meals prepared and was upset that Mary didn't have the same priority. Mary felt it was more important to spend time with her important guest and she was right.
Life is so short and the dishes and laundry will continue to pile up whether we enjoy life or not. I once found out about a special event in my area and called a friend to see if she wanted to go. She declined, saying it was the first Saturday of the month and she always deep cleaned her living room on that day. Looking back, I wonder how many other things she missed out on because she had to clean. My father was a Martha, he always felt that accomplishing a checklist was more important than spending quality time with friends and family. My mother was a Mary. We often were washing the previous night's dishes so we could set the table at dinnertime. She would drop what she was doing to spend time with us and preferred to go with the moment rather than follow a schedule. Every so often we would have a marathon cleaning day and catch it all up, but she never let it rule her life. It caused many arguments between my parents. I used to think that my father was right, but as I watch my kids grow, I realize that he missed so much of our childhood by sticking to a schedule or "to do" list.
Somehow we have to find a way to accomplish our tasks and still spend time in fellowship with those we are close too. A friend once described a dinner party she hosted. She had invited the new pastor at her church to her home for the first time. Dinner wasn't quite ready and she had not gotten some things put away and she was rushing around trying to finish cleaning when he and his wife arrived. He told her to relax and sit down, they came to see her, not judge her home and cleaning skills. We forget that our friends and family love us and just want to spend time with us and allow distractions to take away the joy of their fellowship. It's so much easier to have joy in our lives when we remember to take time see the world around us and pause to take it all in.
Commitment phobia
Most of us have a fear of commitment to some degree. It may take us 20 minutes to decide what to order at a restaurant or four weeks of shopping to find just the right dress for a special occasion. Making a commitment to God is a difficult choice. It's much easier to want to commit your life to him than it is to follow through and actually do it. Committing to God isn't just accepting Jesus as our Lord and Savior, it's changing our life to serve Him. When we choose to follow Christ we must do so not only by our actions, but most importantly by our hearts.
1 Peter 4:10 Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.
Numbers 30:2 When a man makes a vow to the LORD or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said.
For some Christians, the commitment ends with accepting Jesus as their savior. They believe in Him, but taking further action is outside their comfort zones. For others, they can commit to all the time and service their church asks of them, but can't commit their hearts. These people are often very unhappy. They volunteer, take meals to the sick, teach Sunday school when asked and may even lead a Bible study. Their hearts aren't in it and while they are obedient to God, they haven't found the joy in loving God. It's more of a checklist for them. Others have committed with their hearts and truly love God. They read their Bibles diligently, pray often and attend church with more regularity than their pastor. They become so wrapped up with worshiping God, they forget to serve Him.
1 Peter 4:10 Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.
Numbers 30:2 When a man makes a vow to the LORD or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said.
God wants us to commit to Him with our hearts and actions. He wants us to pray, read and study His Word. He also wants us to serve Him by serving others. We won't all serve Him the same. He gave each of us different gifts and we all have different lives. God understands that mothers of young children are at a different stage in life than a couple who have grown married children. Our service to God will likely change as we age because our lives change. Before I had all of my children, I was the children's ministry coordinator at my church. As our family expanded, I realized I couldn't keep up my responsibilities to my family and my duties at church. I felt guilty even with reassurances from everyone that it wasn't the right season of my life to commit to something that required ongoing attention. Once I accepted that I was able to see that I could serve more effectively by helping with 2-3 annual events rather than a year round program. By searching your talents and abilities and accepting God's plan for you, it will be much easier to serve him both with your whole heart and with your life. Serving God should make you happy and you should find joy in helping others.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Focus, PLEASE!
My oldest son has very severe ADHD - inattentive type. Without medicine, his concentration is so poor that it takes him 45 minutes to put his shoes and socks on - if we stand over him we can reduce it to 25 minutes. Statistically the divorce rate for parents of unmedicated kids diagnosed with ADHD is 80% and only 20% for those who medicate their children. This is obviously a stressful disorder to deal with as a parent. You have to follow the child around constantly and remind them eleven times as they walk from their bedroom to the bathroom to brush their teeth, otherwise they wander around until a distraction catches their eye. Once they arrive you have to tell them six times to put toothpaste on their toothbrush or they'll dry-brush their teeth. You have to tell them three times to wipe their mouth or they'll go to bed with dried toothpaste around their mouth.
I'm sure there are many times God sees us as ADHD Christians. We have a difficult time focusing on doing His will. He sends us sign after sign to remind us where he wants us to go and how he wants us to serve. We start off intending to follow His word and we get sidetracked or distracted by unimportant things. We go to church on Sunday and get redirected onto His path and Monday we begin our daily grind and the world descends upon us and pulls us back off track.
Luke 21:36 (NIV 1981)
Watch you therefore, and pray always, that you may be accounted worthy to escape all these things that shall come to pass, and to stand before the Son of man.
Luke 21:36 (ISV 2008)
So be alert at all times, praying that you may have strength to escape all these things that are going to take place and to take your stand in the presence of the Son of Man."
I'm sure there are many times God sees us as ADHD Christians. We have a difficult time focusing on doing His will. He sends us sign after sign to remind us where he wants us to go and how he wants us to serve. We start off intending to follow His word and we get sidetracked or distracted by unimportant things. We go to church on Sunday and get redirected onto His path and Monday we begin our daily grind and the world descends upon us and pulls us back off track.
Luke 21:36 (NIV 1981)
Watch you therefore, and pray always, that you may be accounted worthy to escape all these things that shall come to pass, and to stand before the Son of man.
Luke 21:36 (ISV 2008)
So be alert at all times, praying that you may have strength to escape all these things that are going to take place and to take your stand in the presence of the Son of Man."
Praying brings us closer to God. You may have learned to kneel beside your bed as a child and say your bedtime prayers. In my early twenties, I stopped praying at night. I had a stressful job and my prayers always turned into venting my frustration. When I prayed at night, I was less likely to seek guidance and more likely to seek vengeance. I began to pray in the mornings, asking God to help my day go well, to keep my tongue and anger in check. I continued my prayers on my commute to work and throughout the day and brought Him into my life. I found that by praying even for 30 seconds several times throughout the day, I was able to stay more focused on Him. Prayer is the Ritalin for Christians, helping us stay focused and on track. We need prayer to keep in communication with God so we can hear his voice directing us where to go. When you pray, ask God for guidance, if you aren't ready to trust that you're hearing his voice ask him for signs. Ask for the things you need, pray for others, pray for your enemies and friends alike. When you pray, do so unselfishly and your prayers will be answered. That's not to say you shouldn't ask for things you want, but ask him to provide them if there is a need. I wanted a baby seat for the back of my bicycle and we didn't have the money for one, I prayed that I would find one I could afford. Later that day I was speaking to my mother-in-law and she mentioned that she had to help set up the church rummage. I told her to see if they had a baby seat for a bike and the next day she called saying someone had donated one and it was marked fifty cents. I wanted the seat so I could bike with my child and get some exercise for health reasons. God saw that there were good intentions in this and he provided. Other times the answers take much longer. One prayer took eighteen months to be answered. When it finally was answered, it wasn't in the way I was hoping and two months later, I realized why. I still got what I asked for and if it had happened the way I hoped, it would have continued to add financial stress to us. The way God provided it, our burden was lifted. I feel so blessed to be the child of a loving God.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
I Don't Even Want to Know...
I don't even want to know...
It's a phrase we hear all too often. We clean our rose colored glasses with the phrase. It's much easier to not know than to admit we live in a less than perfect world. If we admitted our world wasn't perfect our moral compass would direct us to get involved and help change it. Getting involved is messy, painful and sometimes even dangerous. We can't enter into the witness protection program when we receive backlash for standing up to a popular bully. As long as you aren't the one getting bullied, who cares? Imagine looking out the window and seeing the little girl from three houses down walking home from school. Just as you are about to wave you see a cargo van parked in front of her. Two men jump out and grab her, dragging her kicking and screaming into the back of the van and seconds later it speeds off. As soon as you see this happen, do you step away from the window and hope they didn't see you or run outside screaming to create a distraction hoping she'll have a chance to get away? Not knowing means we don't have to care or open up the vulnerability of our heart. Now imagine you're watching out your window, waiting for your daughter to come home from school and you see a strange van speeding past your home. What would you want your neighbor to have done? That's what you need to do when you're in that situation. Perhaps you aren't witnessing and abduction. You see children making fun of a child who obviously has a disability. Do you continue on because none of them are yours? Or do you step in and offer to help the bullied child find their parent or teacher and report the incident? Or do you tell yourself, "it's not my place to get involved."
Romans 15:1 As for us who are strong, our duty is to bear with the weaknesses of those who are not strong, and not seek our own pleasure.
We have a duty to help those in need. For many Christians, this means visiting those in the hospital, taking meals to those who are recovering at home, donating clothes and toys to the needy or praying that God will give them peace. God works through us. He wants us to give them peace, by talking to them, listening to them and helping them meet not only their physical needs, but their emotional and spiritual needs. As Christians it is our duty to stand up for injustices, not turn off the news or close the newspaper because what we're hearing is too sordid for our ears. Instead of using Christianity as a fallout shelter to hide from evil, we need to put on our armor and walk into the battlefields. Before we can do this, we need to know where the battlefields are and who we're fighting. This means we have to read the newspapers and watch the news and be aware of the evils that are going on in our world. We can't turn a blind eye to evil and expect to conquer it. Courage is often difficult to muster, but with God on our side, we can be assured victory.
It's a phrase we hear all too often. We clean our rose colored glasses with the phrase. It's much easier to not know than to admit we live in a less than perfect world. If we admitted our world wasn't perfect our moral compass would direct us to get involved and help change it. Getting involved is messy, painful and sometimes even dangerous. We can't enter into the witness protection program when we receive backlash for standing up to a popular bully. As long as you aren't the one getting bullied, who cares? Imagine looking out the window and seeing the little girl from three houses down walking home from school. Just as you are about to wave you see a cargo van parked in front of her. Two men jump out and grab her, dragging her kicking and screaming into the back of the van and seconds later it speeds off. As soon as you see this happen, do you step away from the window and hope they didn't see you or run outside screaming to create a distraction hoping she'll have a chance to get away? Not knowing means we don't have to care or open up the vulnerability of our heart. Now imagine you're watching out your window, waiting for your daughter to come home from school and you see a strange van speeding past your home. What would you want your neighbor to have done? That's what you need to do when you're in that situation. Perhaps you aren't witnessing and abduction. You see children making fun of a child who obviously has a disability. Do you continue on because none of them are yours? Or do you step in and offer to help the bullied child find their parent or teacher and report the incident? Or do you tell yourself, "it's not my place to get involved."
Romans 15:1 As for us who are strong, our duty is to bear with the weaknesses of those who are not strong, and not seek our own pleasure.
We have a duty to help those in need. For many Christians, this means visiting those in the hospital, taking meals to those who are recovering at home, donating clothes and toys to the needy or praying that God will give them peace. God works through us. He wants us to give them peace, by talking to them, listening to them and helping them meet not only their physical needs, but their emotional and spiritual needs. As Christians it is our duty to stand up for injustices, not turn off the news or close the newspaper because what we're hearing is too sordid for our ears. Instead of using Christianity as a fallout shelter to hide from evil, we need to put on our armor and walk into the battlefields. Before we can do this, we need to know where the battlefields are and who we're fighting. This means we have to read the newspapers and watch the news and be aware of the evils that are going on in our world. We can't turn a blind eye to evil and expect to conquer it. Courage is often difficult to muster, but with God on our side, we can be assured victory.
Needs vs. Wants
Spending money is so easy to do. There are many stores, restaurants, and websites eager to take your money and they spend billions every year advertising all their wares. They even enlist psychologists to find the best way to market their product to you. In biblical times, they went to a simple open air market when they needed something and they often made what they needed themselves. It was a simpler time and yet the Bible often counsels about money. God asks us to be good stewards of our money. Hebrews 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as you have: for he has said, I will never leave you, nor forsake you.
In today's society advertising is everywhere, on billboards, in our magazines and newspapers, on television, You can't go on the internet without being bombarded with advertising. I often think of how cutthroat the advertising industry is and wonder if is led by Satan. Advertisers try to convince us that bigger is better, that we can't possibly live another day without the latest and greatest. The strongest presence of Satan in advertising is in the alcohol, tobacco and pornography industry. We're led to believe that if we smoke a certain brand of cigarette we'll be stronger and able to take on the world, if men drink certain brands of alcohol women will flock to them and the videos of nearly naked women - well, they're just having fun.
Our needs are different now than they were 2,000 years ago. Kids need so many things for school, we need things for work and many of us live in a climate that changes seasonally, so two changes of clothes just wouldn't cut it. The challenge is determining the difference between needs and wants. Advertising tells us everything is a need, from shampoo to laser hair removal. Keep in mind their goal is to get us to spend money much like Satan's goal is lead us astray. Twelve years ago, I didn't see a need for a mobile phone. I had a phone at home and at work which was about 6 blocks from my home. There were hundreds of apartments in between so if there was real emergency, I could pound on a door if all else failed. A few months later my husband and got married and were living in different cities initially. I would call and let him know when I was leaving to start the two hour commute for the weekend. I was late by more than hour - twice. The next time I saw him after that he handed me my very first mobile phone. He didn't want to worry. I still didn't see the need for a phone, but he had a greater need not to worry. I then discovered the convenience of it. It was much easier to break up a mundane drive chatting with a girlfriend, so the time I had spent chatting with her from home could now be spent with my husband. Now I wanted my cell phone. I didn't need it to chat with my friends, I needed it for emergencies. I wanted it for the social interaction it brought to me. That's when self control comes in. You have to prioritize when to use it and not just run up a bill because it's more convenient. Eating out became a big problem for use in the beginning of our marriage. We were both going to school. My husband was working an 8-5 job full time and taking night classes 2-3 nights a week and I was going to school full time and working evenings and weekends 3/4 time. We lived in the middle and each commuted an hour in the opposite direction. I had classes back to back from 7:30am until 5:20pm and I took along a few snacks, but the climate and space in my backpack wasn't conducive to taking my lunch. There was a McDonald's across the street from several of my classes so I would get 2-3 items from their value menu. In this case eating out was satisfying a need. On the weekends I didn't feel like cooking when I was off work - partly because I worked in a restaurant, so we often ate out and full service sit down dinners. It was a want. I convinced my husband that eating out wasn't much more expensive than if I cooked and we could spend more quality time together talking. I just didn't want to cook, but what if we had prepared dinner together? That would have been great quality time and we would have saved money.
Realizing the difference between a need and a want is the first step in managing your money better. Your child needs jeans, but do they need designer jeans that they will outgrow quickly? Your children want to see the new Disney movie. You can pay over $40 to take 2 children to see it once and share a popcorn and drink or wait until the DVD comes out spend $40 on the DVD, a 6 pack box of microwave popcorn, 3 boxes of movie candy, 3 two liters of soda and watch the movie as many times as you want or reserve such outings as a reward for making the honor roll or another accomplishment. You don't have to give up the things you want, just prioritize them and keep them in moderation.
Realizing the difference between a need and a want is the first step in managing your money better. Your child needs jeans, but do they need designer jeans that they will outgrow quickly? Your children want to see the new Disney movie. You can pay over $40 to take 2 children to see it once and share a popcorn and drink or wait until the DVD comes out spend $40 on the DVD, a 6 pack box of microwave popcorn, 3 boxes of movie candy, 3 two liters of soda and watch the movie as many times as you want or reserve such outings as a reward for making the honor roll or another accomplishment. You don't have to give up the things you want, just prioritize them and keep them in moderation.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Comfort Zones
We all have our own comfort zones and we try to stay safely inside them. We develop our comfort zones over a long period of time based on our experiences, interests, our likes and dislikes, our exposures to different things and our environment. Someone who grew up in a family that traveled to many different states and countries is going to have a much different comfort zone than someone who grew up in a family that went to a nearby campground as their annual family vacation. If you never learned to swim, your comfort level around water is going to be very different than someone who always had a pool in their backyard. The older we get the harder it becomes to step out of our comfort zone.
My husband grew up on a hog farm and has no problem being around livestock at the state fair, on the other hand I was a city girl and while I love animals, I was never around large animals so I would prefer to skip the whole livestock section of the fair. However, it's an experience he remembers as a way of life, he had to help on the farm because it was their livelihood and hiring someone meant cutbacks on other expenses, so the kids all chipped in and did their share. I want him to be able to share those memories and experiences with our children so I hold my breath and watch where I step and follow along. He tells stories of falling off a grain bin, spitting out of the hayloft, and tormenting pigs with various antics. I grew up in a family that traveled on vacations. By the time I graduated from high school, I had been to Canada, Mexico and at least 20 states. I had never flown and had only stayed in a hotel on a school trip. We loaded into the family sedan and towed a camper that had been given to my parents. I could properly start a campfire by myself by age seven, though I wouldn't dream of handing my eight-year-old a match. I saw Taos Pueblo, the Grand Canyon, Niagara Falls, a plaque marking the continental divide, Colorado Springs at night from 100 miles away, and watched my mom haggle with a souvenir shop owner in Mexico. We pumped our fists to get truck drivers to honk at us, played the alphabet game and auto bingo. We learned to identify constellations, flora, fauna and how to make plaster casts of animal footprints along a trail. I learned how to properly toast a marshmallow and the best way to layer a hobo dinner. However, if I even mention the word road-trip to my husband, he becomes very tense and opens every electronic mapping program he can find and compares routes, prints 37 copies of the final choice - in case he loses one - and 23 gray hairs magically appear at his temples.
If you've never been to church, your comfort level when asked to pray for someone is quite different than that of someone who has gone every Sunday their entire life - except once when they were five and had chickenpox. Learning to step outside your comfort zone helps you grow into a stronger more well-rounded individual in all aspects of your life. It's the same for Christians. We don't all grow up as the child of a preacher and recite Bible verses at the dinner table for entertainment. We struggle with different areas of our faith. The first time my husband and I joined a life group, I found it inspiring. He found it nerve wracking. I was more comfortable in my faith so sharing the experiences of it came more easily. He had been raised in the church as a child, but hadn't attended regularly in some time when we got married. I had attended youth retreats and was involved in youth group, whereas he remembered his mom making him sing in the children's choir. Our comfort levels weren't at the same place. I expected him to notice this and step it up. I mean after all, I couldn't revert backward, could I? The best he could expect was for me to level off while he caught up. I finally realized I needed to help him get to the next level. I work better with kids, so this was tough for me because I knew if I wasn't careful I'd dumb it down too much and insult him. I decided to pray for him. After a few weeks, I didn't notice any changes or light bulb moments for him, so I took it to my small group. There is strength in numbers and it made a difference. I'm at the phase where I would love to make an annual mission trip as our family vacation. My husband is NOT there. He finally got to the place when I told him I really want to go, that he doesn't ask why. The last time, he said if it was that important to me, then he would help me work it out and raise the money.
When you find yourself in an unfamiliar situation how do you respond? Do you run? Do you hope it will end soon? Or do you consider it an adventure? If you aren't sure how to take the next (or first) step in your faith, start by praying about it. Here's a simple prayer to get you started if you aren't comfortable with that step yet:
Heavenly Father, I'm ready to begin a new journey with you as my guide. Help me to understand that you have a plan for me and that you will reveal it as I'm ready. I need guidance as I start the next step of my faith. Amen.
Isaiah 42:16 I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.
As you step outside your comfort zone, know that God is with you, He'll pick you up when you fall and He'll light your path if you ask him to. God has manners, he will not go where he is not asked so invite him in and He will bring His blessing on you.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
I Could Have Handled That Better - Much Better.
Have you ever had a situation you didn't handle well? If you say no, you are probably lying. We often live life with regrets. Once the moment has passed, the event is part of your history. You can live with regret or learn from the situation and turn it around. As a parent, I can say I make more mistakes than I have in anything else I've ever done. My husband and I are responsible for molding four young lives into upstanding young adults - if they live that long. I love my children very much but they are a handful with lots of energy. For anyone. I once asked Justin's preschool teacher why she never asked me to volunteer even though I had offered on several occasions. She told me they felt I needed a break. That was a huge sigh of relief. I realized at that very moment it wasn't just me. I was reassured by an educator they were the most challenging personalities to raise as young children, but they would make up for it tenfold as they got older and learned to channel their energy for the greater good, I pray every day that she's right.
Yesterday afternoon my oldest son (11 next week) complained that he didn't have any clean pants to wear. I asked him to put all of his dirty clothes in the hamper and told him I would wash jeans that night. This morning I got up and started the laundry - in a rush because I had forgotten last night. I noticed he did not have a single pair of jeans in the hamper. I decided to teach him a lesson and do the laundry anyway. We've been telling them for months if their clothes aren't in the hamper, they won't get washed.
We often give in if we know they need something specific washed. Not this time. Proverbs 29:17 Correct your son, and he shall give you rest; yes, he shall give delight to your soul. I patted myself on the back as I headed back to bed. Pride surely goeth before a fall. I was about to fall.
My husband went into the boys' room to see what exactly Tyler had to wear only to discover the child pulling out a stash of clean clothes he had hidden instead of putting away on his last brownie points spree. I lost it. I was angry. His laziness often causes us more work or interruptions to our schedule because he didn't complete a simple task in a timely fashion. Laundry is one of the biggest struggles in our household. With four kids it's nearly impossible to keep up, especially with the youngest still potty training. As soon as one of my children was able to walk with a toy, they learned to put their dirty clothes in the hamper. This is a great age to start them, because it's ingrained into their little brains by the time they start school. A few reminders now and then are needed but for the most part, it's a successful training system.
Back to the earlier statements, I was angry and I lost it and yelled, "Are #%@ing kidding me?" My husband - usually the swearer in our home, reminded me, "Language." I lost my temper in front of my children and used a word I don't particularly care to hear. What kind of lesson did I set for them? It's okay to swear if you're really angry? Or if the person did something really wrong? I've ran the scenario through my head dozens of times today wishing I could take back my angry words. I finally realized it was futile and prayed about how to turn it into a positive and lesson of humility for the kids. Apologizing to them and explaining that I handled it wrong could help them learn to admit mistakes in the future. They can learn that even grown-ups make mistakes they have to apologize for. They can learn that it takes a bigger person to apologize for wrongdoings than excuse it away. I felt ashamed for using that language in front of my kids and I have to admit it wasn't the first time. I can only pray that it will be the last time.
As a Christian or person of faith (any faith) we are not perfect. You don't just wake up one day and decide you're going to dedicate your life to God and never commit another sin. Practicing our faith makes us better, stronger Christians. God loves us and wants us to be good. He wants us to think of others first and share our bounty, but He also knows we can't do it alone. If you've ever watched a young child make their bed for the first time, completely by himself, then you know what I'm talking about. It kills us not to help because we know it would look much better if we did, but pride won't let them ask because they think they are capable of something they cannot possibly do alone. They get better each time and over the years they finally get it right, meanwhile they continue to add to the list of things they need to learn. If they let you help them, they master the skills much more quickly than if they try to figure it out on their own. It's the same with God. We must ask for his help when we begin a new project or phase of our life. He will guide us along the path until He is certain we know our way. As we turn onto new paths, we need His assistance again until we gain a good foothold. He is always there to light the path, if it grows dark and he'll pick us up everytime we stumble.
Yesterday afternoon my oldest son (11 next week) complained that he didn't have any clean pants to wear. I asked him to put all of his dirty clothes in the hamper and told him I would wash jeans that night. This morning I got up and started the laundry - in a rush because I had forgotten last night. I noticed he did not have a single pair of jeans in the hamper. I decided to teach him a lesson and do the laundry anyway. We've been telling them for months if their clothes aren't in the hamper, they won't get washed.
We often give in if we know they need something specific washed. Not this time. Proverbs 29:17 Correct your son, and he shall give you rest; yes, he shall give delight to your soul. I patted myself on the back as I headed back to bed. Pride surely goeth before a fall. I was about to fall.
My husband went into the boys' room to see what exactly Tyler had to wear only to discover the child pulling out a stash of clean clothes he had hidden instead of putting away on his last brownie points spree. I lost it. I was angry. His laziness often causes us more work or interruptions to our schedule because he didn't complete a simple task in a timely fashion. Laundry is one of the biggest struggles in our household. With four kids it's nearly impossible to keep up, especially with the youngest still potty training. As soon as one of my children was able to walk with a toy, they learned to put their dirty clothes in the hamper. This is a great age to start them, because it's ingrained into their little brains by the time they start school. A few reminders now and then are needed but for the most part, it's a successful training system.
Back to the earlier statements, I was angry and I lost it and yelled, "Are #%@ing kidding me?" My husband - usually the swearer in our home, reminded me, "Language." I lost my temper in front of my children and used a word I don't particularly care to hear. What kind of lesson did I set for them? It's okay to swear if you're really angry? Or if the person did something really wrong? I've ran the scenario through my head dozens of times today wishing I could take back my angry words. I finally realized it was futile and prayed about how to turn it into a positive and lesson of humility for the kids. Apologizing to them and explaining that I handled it wrong could help them learn to admit mistakes in the future. They can learn that even grown-ups make mistakes they have to apologize for. They can learn that it takes a bigger person to apologize for wrongdoings than excuse it away. I felt ashamed for using that language in front of my kids and I have to admit it wasn't the first time. I can only pray that it will be the last time.
As a Christian or person of faith (any faith) we are not perfect. You don't just wake up one day and decide you're going to dedicate your life to God and never commit another sin. Practicing our faith makes us better, stronger Christians. God loves us and wants us to be good. He wants us to think of others first and share our bounty, but He also knows we can't do it alone. If you've ever watched a young child make their bed for the first time, completely by himself, then you know what I'm talking about. It kills us not to help because we know it would look much better if we did, but pride won't let them ask because they think they are capable of something they cannot possibly do alone. They get better each time and over the years they finally get it right, meanwhile they continue to add to the list of things they need to learn. If they let you help them, they master the skills much more quickly than if they try to figure it out on their own. It's the same with God. We must ask for his help when we begin a new project or phase of our life. He will guide us along the path until He is certain we know our way. As we turn onto new paths, we need His assistance again until we gain a good foothold. He is always there to light the path, if it grows dark and he'll pick us up everytime we stumble.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
The Commitment
Our life has been a whirlwind in the past year with many changes and new directions. I had begun a personal journey and the momentum suddenly picked up. Now it's taking full flight and I want to bring you along for the ride.
My husband and I made a commitment to raise our children in the church and to practice our faith. Not just the beautiful speech read in front of the congregation at their christenings, but a true renewed commitment to devoting our family to serve the Lord. Something that goes beyond saying grace before dinner at home and attending church on Sundays. To actually build a real relationship with God, through Jesus Christ our Savior,with our children. Bringing the phrase "what would Jesus do?" into our everyday lives and thinking about the consequences of our every action, word, and thought.
Raising children in the twenty-first century has challenges that no other generation before has had to experience. Thanks to the internet and cyber-technology, we have to fight demons we never knew existed before, many we still don't know we're fighting. Our children can go into dark shadowy places we would never allow them to go to in reality without ever leaving their home. Parental control has gone from meaning having a strict hand to guide your child to a complex set of protocols that come with reports and settings and passwords.
We have challenged ourselves to tackle one area at a time in training and teaching our children to grow into self-reliant productive citizens who know how to live in their faith and serve others. Addressing subjects such as materialism, greed, responsibility to self, responsibility to family, responsibility to community, environmentalism, nutrition, manners, accountability, and spiritual growth are the first steps to bringing our family closer to God and a sense of fulfillment. Imagine how we could change society if every parent could follow this same path and teach their children to live responsibly and put other's needs first. That's a world I want to live in. I can't change the world, but I can try by teaching my children and others how to change it, creating a self-propelled wave of love and kindness. Join my family on our journey as we hope to inspire others to love our world enough to want to change if for the better.
My husband and I made a commitment to raise our children in the church and to practice our faith. Not just the beautiful speech read in front of the congregation at their christenings, but a true renewed commitment to devoting our family to serve the Lord. Something that goes beyond saying grace before dinner at home and attending church on Sundays. To actually build a real relationship with God, through Jesus Christ our Savior,with our children. Bringing the phrase "what would Jesus do?" into our everyday lives and thinking about the consequences of our every action, word, and thought.
Raising children in the twenty-first century has challenges that no other generation before has had to experience. Thanks to the internet and cyber-technology, we have to fight demons we never knew existed before, many we still don't know we're fighting. Our children can go into dark shadowy places we would never allow them to go to in reality without ever leaving their home. Parental control has gone from meaning having a strict hand to guide your child to a complex set of protocols that come with reports and settings and passwords.
We have challenged ourselves to tackle one area at a time in training and teaching our children to grow into self-reliant productive citizens who know how to live in their faith and serve others. Addressing subjects such as materialism, greed, responsibility to self, responsibility to family, responsibility to community, environmentalism, nutrition, manners, accountability, and spiritual growth are the first steps to bringing our family closer to God and a sense of fulfillment. Imagine how we could change society if every parent could follow this same path and teach their children to live responsibly and put other's needs first. That's a world I want to live in. I can't change the world, but I can try by teaching my children and others how to change it, creating a self-propelled wave of love and kindness. Join my family on our journey as we hope to inspire others to love our world enough to want to change if for the better.
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