Are You Mary or Martha?

In several recent Bible studies the story of Jesus visiting Mary and Martha has come up.  Luke 10:38-42 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”  “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

     As a wife and mother, there is always a daily to do list I need to accomplish.  We've been taught in society that a good wife keeps a perfectly clean home, presents deliciously prepared meals and has well behaved children.  The ideal wife and mother image is almost as unattainable as the ideal supermodel image.  Martha felt it was important to clean and have the meals prepared and was upset that Mary didn't have the same priority.  Mary felt it was more important to spend time with her important guest and she was right.  

     

     Life is so short and the dishes and laundry will continue to pile up whether we enjoy life or not.  I once found out about a special event in my area and called a friend to see if she wanted to go.  She declined, saying it was the first Saturday of the month and she always deep cleaned her living room on that day.  Looking back, I wonder how many other things she missed out on because she had to clean.  My father was a Martha, he always felt that accomplishing a checklist was more important than spending quality time with friends and family.  My mother was a Mary.  We often were washing the previous night's dishes so we could set the table at dinnertime.  She would drop what she was doing to spend time with us and preferred to go with the moment rather than follow a schedule.  Every so often we would have a marathon cleaning day and catch it all up, but she never let it rule her life.  It caused many arguments between my parents.  I used to think that my father was right, but as I watch my kids grow, I realize that he missed so much of our childhood by sticking to a schedule or "to do" list.  

   Somehow we have to find a way to accomplish our tasks and still spend time in fellowship with those we are close too.  A friend once described a dinner party she hosted.  She had invited the new pastor at her church to her home for the first time.  Dinner wasn't quite ready and she had not gotten some things put away and she was rushing around trying to finish cleaning when he and his wife arrived.  He told her to relax and sit down, they came to see her, not judge her home and cleaning skills.  We forget that our friends and family love us and just want to spend time with us and allow distractions to take away the joy of their fellowship.  It's so much easier to have joy in our lives when we remember to take time see the world around us and pause to take it all in.  

Commitment phobia

     Most of us have a fear of commitment to some degree.  It may take us 20 minutes to decide what to order at a restaurant or four weeks of shopping to find just the right dress for a special occasion.  Making a commitment to God is a difficult choice.  It's much easier to want to commit your life to him than it is to follow through and actually do it.  Committing to God isn't just accepting Jesus as our Lord and Savior, it's changing our life to serve Him.  When we choose to follow Christ we must do so not only by our actions, but most importantly by our hearts.  

     For some Christians, the commitment ends with accepting Jesus as their savior.  They believe in Him, but taking further action is outside their comfort zones.  For others, they can commit to all the time and service their church asks of them, but can't commit their hearts.  These people are often very unhappy.  They volunteer, take meals to the sick, teach Sunday school when asked and may even lead a Bible study.  Their hearts aren't in it and while they are obedient to God, they haven't found the joy in loving God.  It's more of a checklist for them.  Others have committed with their hearts and truly love God.  They read their Bibles diligently, pray often and attend church with more regularity than their pastor.  They become so wrapped up with worshiping God, they forget to serve Him.  

1 Peter 4:10 Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.


Numbers 30:2 When a man makes a vow to the LORD or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said.

     God wants us to commit to Him with our hearts and actions.  He wants us to pray, read and study His Word.  He also wants us to serve Him by serving others.  We won't all serve Him the same.  He gave each of us different gifts and we all have different lives.  God understands that mothers of young children are at a different stage in life than a couple who have grown married children.  Our service to God will likely change as we age because our lives change.  Before I had all of my children, I was the children's ministry coordinator at my church.  As our family expanded, I realized I couldn't keep up my responsibilities to my family and my duties at church.  I felt guilty even with reassurances from everyone that it wasn't the right season of my life to commit to something that required ongoing attention.  Once I accepted that I was able to see that I could serve more effectively by helping with 2-3 annual events rather than a year round program.  By searching your talents and abilities and accepting God's plan for you, it will be much easier to serve him both with your whole heart and with your life.  Serving God should make you happy and you should find joy in helping others.  

Focus, PLEASE!

My oldest son has very severe ADHD - inattentive type.  Without medicine, his concentration is so poor that it takes him 45 minutes to put his shoes and socks on - if we stand over him we can reduce it to 25 minutes.  Statistically the divorce rate for parents of unmedicated kids diagnosed with ADHD is 80% and only 20% for those who medicate their children.  This is obviously a stressful disorder to deal with as a parent.  You have to follow the child around constantly and remind them eleven times as they walk from their bedroom to the bathroom to brush their teeth, otherwise they wander around until a distraction catches their eye.  Once they arrive you have to tell them six times to put toothpaste on their toothbrush or they'll dry-brush their teeth.   You have to tell them three times to wipe their mouth or they'll go to bed with dried toothpaste around their mouth.  


I'm sure there are many times God sees us as ADHD Christians.  We have a difficult time focusing on doing His will.  He sends us sign after sign to remind us where he wants us to go and how he wants us to serve.  We start off intending to follow His word and we get sidetracked or distracted by unimportant things.  We go to church on Sunday and get redirected onto His path and Monday we begin our daily grind and the world descends upon us and pulls us back off track.  


Luke 21:36 (NIV 1981)
Watch you therefore, and pray always, that you may be accounted worthy to escape all these things that shall come to pass, and to stand before the Son of man.  
Luke 21:36 (ISV 2008)
So be alert at all times, praying that you may have strength to escape all these things that are going to take place and to take your stand in the presence of the Son of Man."  

Praying brings us closer to God.  You may have learned to kneel beside your bed as a child and say your bedtime prayers.  In my early twenties, I stopped praying at night.  I had a stressful job and my prayers always turned into venting my frustration.  When I prayed at night, I was less likely to seek guidance and more likely to seek vengeance.  I began to pray in the mornings, asking God to help my day go well, to keep my tongue and anger in check.  I continued my prayers on my commute to work and throughout the day and brought Him into my life.  I found that by praying even for 30 seconds several times throughout the day, I was able to stay  more focused on Him.  Prayer is the Ritalin for Christians, helping us stay focused and on track.  We need prayer to keep in communication with God so we can hear his voice directing us where to go.  When you pray, ask God for guidance, if you aren't ready to trust that you're hearing his voice ask him for signs.  Ask for the things you need, pray for others, pray for your enemies and friends alike.  When you pray, do so unselfishly and your prayers will be answered.  That's not to say you shouldn't ask for things you want, but ask him to provide them if there is a need.  I wanted a baby seat for the back of my bicycle and we didn't have the money for one, I prayed that I would find one I could afford.  Later that day I was speaking to my mother-in-law and she mentioned that she had to help set up the church rummage.  I told her to see if they had a baby seat for a bike and the next day she called saying someone had donated one and it was marked fifty cents.  I wanted the seat so I could bike with my child and get some exercise for health reasons.  God saw that there were good intentions in this and he provided.  Other times the answers take much longer.  One prayer took eighteen months to be answered.  When it finally was answered, it wasn't in the way I was hoping and two months later, I realized why.  I still got what I asked for and if it had happened the way I hoped, it would have continued to add financial stress to us.  The way God provided it, our burden was lifted.  I feel so blessed to be the child of a loving God.  

I Don't Even Want to Know...

I don't even want to know...  


It's a phrase we hear all too often.  We clean our rose colored glasses with the phrase.  It's much easier to not know than to admit we live in a less than perfect world.  If we admitted our world wasn't perfect our moral compass would direct us to get involved and help change it.  Getting involved is messy, painful and sometimes even dangerous.  We can't enter into the witness protection program when we receive backlash for standing up to a popular bully.  As long as you aren't the one getting bullied, who cares?  Imagine looking out the window and seeing the little girl  from three houses down walking home from school.  Just as you are about to wave you see a cargo van parked in front of her.  Two men jump out and grab her, dragging her kicking and screaming into the back of the van and seconds later it speeds off.  As soon as you see this happen, do you step away from the window and hope they didn't see you or run outside screaming to create a distraction hoping she'll have a chance to get away?  Not knowing means we don't have to care or open up the vulnerability of our heart.  Now imagine you're watching out your window, waiting for your daughter to come home from school and you see a strange van speeding past your home.  What would you want your neighbor to have done?  That's what you need to do when you're in that situation.  Perhaps you aren't witnessing and abduction.  You see children making fun of a child who obviously has a disability.  Do you continue on because none of them are yours?  Or do you step in and offer to help the bullied child find their parent or teacher and report the incident?  Or do you tell yourself, "it's not my place to get involved."  
Romans 15:1 As for us who are strong, our duty is to bear with the weaknesses of those who are not strong, and not seek our own pleasure. 
We have a duty to help those in need.  For many Christians, this means visiting those in the hospital, taking meals to those who are recovering at home, donating clothes and toys to the needy or praying that God will give them peace.  God works through us.  He wants us to give them peace, by talking to them, listening to them and helping them meet not only their physical needs, but their emotional and spiritual needs.  As Christians it is our duty to stand up for injustices, not turn off the news or close the newspaper because what we're hearing is too sordid for our ears.  Instead of using Christianity as a fallout shelter to hide from evil, we need to put on our armor and walk into the battlefields.  Before we can do this, we need to know where the battlefields are and who we're fighting.  This means we have to read the newspapers and watch the news and be aware of the evils that are going on in our world.  We can't turn a blind eye to evil and expect to conquer it.  Courage is often difficult to muster, but with God on our side, we can be assured victory.  

Needs vs. Wants

     Spending money is so easy to do.  There are many stores, restaurants, and websites eager to take your money and they spend billions every year advertising all their wares.  They even enlist psychologists to find the best way to market their product to you.  In biblical times, they went to a simple open air market when they needed something and they often made what they needed themselves.  It was a simpler time and yet the Bible often counsels about money.  God asks us to be good stewards of our money.  Hebrews 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as you have: for he has said, I will never leave you, nor forsake you.  

     In today's society advertising is everywhere, on billboards, in our magazines and newspapers, on television, You can't go on the internet without being bombarded with advertising.  I often think of how cutthroat the advertising industry is and wonder if is led by Satan.  Advertisers try to convince us that bigger is better, that we can't possibly live another day without the latest and greatest.  The strongest presence of Satan in advertising is in the alcohol, tobacco and pornography industry.  We're led to believe that if we smoke a certain brand of cigarette we'll be stronger and able to take on the world, if men drink certain brands of alcohol women will flock to them and the videos of nearly naked women - well, they're just having fun.  

     Our needs are different now than they were 2,000 years ago.  Kids need so many things for school, we need things for work and many of us live in a climate that changes seasonally, so two changes of clothes just wouldn't cut it.  The challenge is determining the difference between needs and wants.  Advertising tells us everything is a need, from shampoo to laser hair removal.  Keep in mind their goal is to get us to spend money much like Satan's goal is lead us astray.  Twelve years ago, I didn't see a need for a mobile phone.  I had a phone at home and at work which was about 6 blocks from my home.  There were hundreds of apartments in between so if there was real emergency, I could pound on a door if all else failed.  A few months later my husband and got married and were living in different cities initially.  I would call and let him know when I was leaving to start the two hour commute for the weekend.  I was late by more than hour - twice.  The next time I saw him after that he handed me my very first mobile phone.  He didn't want to worry.  I still didn't see the need for a phone, but he had a greater need not to worry.  I then discovered the convenience of it.  It was much easier to break up a mundane drive chatting with a girlfriend, so the time I had spent chatting with her from home could now be spent with my husband.  Now I wanted my cell phone.  I didn't need it to chat with my friends, I needed it for emergencies.  I wanted it for the social interaction it brought to me.  That's when self control comes in.  You have to prioritize when to use it and not just run up a bill because it's more convenient.  Eating out became a big problem for use in the beginning of our marriage.  We were both going to school.  My husband was working an 8-5 job full time and taking night classes 2-3 nights a week and I was going to school full time and working evenings and weekends 3/4 time.  We lived in the middle and each commuted an hour in the opposite direction.  I had classes back to back from 7:30am until 5:20pm and I took along a few snacks, but the climate and space in my backpack wasn't conducive to taking my lunch.  There was a McDonald's across the street from several of my classes so I would get 2-3 items from their value menu.  In this case eating out was satisfying a need.  On the weekends I didn't feel like cooking when I was off work - partly because I worked in a restaurant, so we often ate out and full service sit down dinners.  It was a want.  I convinced my husband that eating out wasn't much more expensive than if I cooked and we could spend more quality time together talking.  I just didn't want to cook, but what if we had prepared dinner together?  That would have been great quality time and we would have saved money.  
          Realizing the difference between a need and a want is the first step in managing your money better.  Your child needs jeans, but do they need designer jeans that they will outgrow quickly?  Your children want to see the new Disney movie.  You can pay over $40 to take 2 children to see it once and share a popcorn and drink or wait until the DVD comes out spend $40 on the DVD, a 6 pack box of microwave popcorn, 3 boxes of movie candy, 3 two liters of soda and watch the movie as many times as you want or reserve such outings as a reward for making the honor roll or another accomplishment.  You don't have to give up the things you want, just prioritize them and keep them in moderation.