Listening...

I'm always telling my children to listen.  "Pay attention and listen to me!  I'm trying to teach you something!"  Wow.  God is up there somewhere saying the same thing to me.  When we're down here in the trenches trying to figure out this thing called life, it's natural to want to take the bull by the horns and do things how we want to do them.  

I was determined we were going to move closer to my parents.  We were constantly getting calls from them asking we if we were going to be in town, because they needed help with a little project.  When gas prices skyrocketed, it was almost $10 in gas to make the trip to their house, so we began to add a visit to Grandma's house to our schedule when running errands.  We decided to take out a loan from our 401K account and do some needed repairs to get our house ready to sell.  With four kids underfoot and only one of them old enough to be helpful, the project backfired.  We weren't able to meet the goals we had set for ourselves and the town we lived in went from being the hot spot to buy, to being the last place to look.  We found ourselves facing foreclosure and our resources were tapped out.  I had found a home I had hoped to buy and knew our window was gone.  The home was in a picturesque residential neighborhood, four blocks from the elementary school and five minutes from my parents' house.  I envisioned leisurely strolls in the evening and walking the dog to escort the kids to and from school, bicycle rides to Grandma's house with the kids.  I was disappointed, but I knew another house would come along, so we plodded along, adjusting our deadlines and praying we would find a way to get everything done and sell our house quickly.  

I had emotionally detached myself from the house several years before.  It had sucked our savings account dry long before we decided to sell it.  The previous owner had used it as a rental property and knew nothing about repairs, so every handyman he had ever hired had ripped him off by doing shoddy work and painting over it.  I finally contacted a friend who was was a mortgage broker.  She ran our credit reports and told us that they would view a short-sale the same as a foreclosure.  She advised us to get out while we could.  It was a situation where we had to cut our losses before we ended up homeless.  I began the miserable search for a rental home.  With four children we needed at least a three bedroom home.  I pulled up the local property management association's website and there was the home I'd driven past at least once a month for the past year.  It would be available in 2 weeks.  I called the rental agency and scheduled an appointment.  She commented that she was surprised she hadn't had any interest in it, because the previous year she had 6 phone calls the first day it was listed.  I found 2-3 other houses that would be big enough and in the area we needed to be and made a list of addresses.  With four kids in tow, we met the leasing agent at the house the next day.  I worried when we pulled up in front because it looked small from the outside.  It was much larger on the inside and seemed to be an ideal layout for us.  I couldn't believe it.  I told her we were interested and were looking at two more and I would let her know later that day.  We drove past each of the other two and when we saw how run down looking they were, we called her back and told her we'd take it.  For a year I'd been praying for the chance to buy this house.  A few days later, I called to schedule a time to sign the lease and the phone number on the listing was incorrect.  I went to her website and found the correct number and realized that no one else had called because of the wrong number.  God's hand was definitely in this.  After she corrected the number there were numerous calls about the house.  


2 Timothy 1:12-14 That indeed is the reason why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know in whom my trust reposes, and I am confident that He has it in His power to keep what I have entrusted to Him safe until that day. (13)What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus.  (14)Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you--guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.

The owners had been unable to sell it and decided to rent it out.  Perfect, because we were in no position to buy the house at this point.  We moved in and discovered a slow drain the master bathroom.  There was a leak in sink drain pipe in the main bath.  A month later the hot water heater quit working.  Fortunately we were renting and just had to call the leasing agent.  Another month went by and the hot water heater quit working again.  This time it was replaced.  I realized God knew that if we bought this house when I first became interested in it, we would have been straddled with repairs right away.  We were already strapped.  Now we can rent our dream house until we can establish our savings and repair our credit.  I was thrilled.  What an amazing opportunity God had blessed us with.  If I had done things my way, we would have missed out on our house.  My children are happy and despite the financial stress, my husband and I are happier than we've ever been.  It's amazing the difference being in the right home can make.  


On a side note:  If you are facing foreclosure on your home, don't despair.  Trust in God and pray and he will absolve your fears - He has a plan for you, don't give up.  I hate that our credit is tarnished, but God uses a different set of standards to judge us than the credit agencies do.  Renting isn't such a bad thing if you have a good landlord.  If something breaks, you call them and they fix it.  


There are definitely advantages to owning your own home: if you purchase it in your 30's with a 20 year mortgage, it will be paid off when you are in your 50's and if you continue to pay your mortgage payment to yourself in a separate savings account, once you retire you should have a good maintenance fund established.  Maintaining your home is important and you shouldn't buy one unless you are able to maintain it. 

Sacrifice

     The word sacrifice has many meanings.  It generally means you give something (a material possession) up for something else (non-tangible) of greater value.  In today's society it is often confused with compromise.  Compromise is when each party makes concessions and gives up a little something.  Newsflash:  God doesn't compromise.  He expects us to sacrifice for his gift of eternal life.  Here's how it goes:
 Let's say you love to play golf.  All of your buddies decide to join a league and they want you to join.  Tee-off is every Sunday at 9:45am.  Wow, that doesn't let you attend either Sunday morning service at church.  Okay, you'll compromise.  It's only for 12 weeks and you'll go to church every time the course is closed for bad weather.  Nope.  God wants you to sacrifice.  His way says tell your buddies if you can't make it to church, they'll have to find another player to complete their foursome.  That's a big difference.  Giving up something you think you love to show God that he is the one you truly love is sacrifice.  Sacrificing is like giving up an addiction.  It can be incredibly hard, because we think we need this thing we've become attached to in our materialistic world.  It's very hard to let go of some things.
     For many women the decision whether to stay home and raise your kids or continue working is very difficult.  We've invested in an education or training for a skill and to throw that all away and just be a mom seems wasteful.  In some cases the income is needed.  Your spouse is not employed or finishing his education, or you are a single mother.  Obviously, your family has to eat and bills need to be paid.  But for most two parent households it really is a choice.  The question is:  could your family live in a smaller home?  Would you all die if you didn't get to go to Disney World on vacation?  Could you live without a swimming pool in your back yard.  Would clothing that didn't have a designer label cause you to become ill?  If you didn't eat out several times a week, would you starve to death?  If you are a professional food critic, you are justified in eating out several times a week.  If you are a competitive swimmer or teach swimming in your back yard pool, you can have it.  If you have ten kids, a two or three bedroom home won't quite cut it - unless those are REALLY big bedrooms.  Designer labels don't change who we are inside and if you aren't beautiful on the inside God doesn't care how beautiful you are on the outside.  You don't have to take your kids to Disney World for them to have a memorable vacation.  They just want to spend time with you doing something out of the ordinary.  Think back on your childhood.  What memories made you feel loved?  Was it your mom dropping you off at childcare or taking a day off work to spend with you?  Was it eating at the usual Friday night place or helping her prepare a meal in the kitchen?  My youngest daughter had to be readmitted to the hospital when she was five days old.  I was doing some freelance sewing work and had a deadline to finish, so I took the sewing machine and fabric to the hospital with me and sewed in her room.  A surgeon walking past the room heard the noise and poked his head in to see what it was.  His mother used to stay up late and sew many of their clothes and do sewing she took in to save for her children's college educations.  He recognized the sound of the sewing machine and shared his memory of his mother.  She had passed away some time before and his wife didn't sew and it had been a long time since he heard that sound.  He talked with me about sewing for a bit and walked away with a smile on his face as he savored his memory of his mother sewing.  The memory was very precious to this man who saves lives for a living.  It's fine to want to provide for our children and give them more than what we had.  It motivates us to work hard.  We just have to remember not to lose sight of our goals and understand the true reasons in our hearts for doing what we do.  Our children want to be loved by us.  They don't care how many things we buy them if we don't show them we love them.  I remember visiting a dear friend in high school once and she opened her closet to show me what she was going to be wearing for an upcoming special occasion.  My jaw dropped when I saw the most crammed closet full of beautiful designer clothes I'd ever seen in my life (to this day!).  They meant nothing to my friend.  Her mother bought them for her out of guilt to make up for not being a good mother.  They lived in a beautiful home with beautiful furnishings and had traveled all over but her mother loved her career and alcohol more than her daughter. When I finally reacquainted with this friend through Facebook after nearly 25 years, she still treasured a little trinket of a going away gift I had given her when they moved away.  She loved visiting our crowded, cluttered home because she always felt loved there.  Eventually, children will grow up and look back on their childhood.  The memories they keep, both good and bad, are the ones that made a deep impression on them.  When we show our children we are willing to sacrifice a more comfortable life to spend more time loving them, they will grow up knowing that loving someone is more important than accumulating things.  Sacrifice for God and teach your children to do so as well. 

Deuteronomy 32:46
And he said to them, Set your hearts to all the words which I testify among you this day, which you shall command your children to observe to do, all the words of this law.

     Take a few moments to remember the times in your childhood that you felt most loved by your parents and write down the top five to ten memories.  I've shared mine below:
1.)  My mother saying let's hurry up and get the table cleared and the dishes done and we'll make fudge (or no bake cookies or black cows).  (Work should come before pleasure.)
2.) A camping trip to Lake Michigan and my father showing us a set of deer prints along the trail.  He had us wait together next to them while he ran back to get some plaster of paris and water to make casts of them.  I think he still has them.  (To this day I don't know what possessed him to bring plaster of paris on a camping trip.)
3.) Same trip to Lake Michigan we walked along the beach and my dad pointed out different birds and plants to us taking pictures and exploring a lighthouse.
4.) Hanging out on my parents bed with my brothers talking to my mom or watching a little 13" television because she would watch our shows with us and not scold us for talking while the TV was on. (She taught us that fellowship was important.)
5.)  My friends insisting on a study break so they could help me devour my mom's latest care package in college.  (One friend was never the same once she discovered a huge margarine tub containing my mom's homemade buttercream frosting and a package of graham crackers.)  (There were always indulgences, within our means.)  
6.) My mom making homemade donuts as entertainment/snacks when she was babysitting for about 8 of our neighbor kids.  (Holes punched out of canned biscuit dough and everyone had a job, cutting holes, handing them to mom, holding the draining plate, powdered sugaring, cinnamon sugaring, glazing, etc.)  One of those kids is my best friend and she still remembers my mom making the best junk food ever.  (Instead of purchased snacks, or keeping us busy while she prepared them, she taught us all to work as a team to accomplish a goal and taught us that every person's role no matter how small was important.)
7.) Visiting Taos Pueblo, NM on vacation and my dad being patient enough to answer all of our questions and ask someone the ones he didn't know the answers to.  (He showed me that while he knew a great deal, he didn't have all the answers and he wasn't afraid to ask for help when he needed it.)
8) My mother giving me a quarter and a real handkerchief for my little purse to carry to church on Sunday mornings.  I loved having that quarter to put in the offering.  She would always primp my clothes and take extra care doing my hair on Sundays.  (She taught me to be respectful of church and that by dressing up, we showed that church was a special and important thing in our lives.)
9) Watching my parents smile as they watched us open our Christmas presents (which weren't numerous) on Christmas morning and knowing they were happy simply because we were happy.  (We felt loved knowing that they were joyfully giving to us, the same way God feels that we love him when we give joyfully.)
10) Knowing I could take my problems to my parents and they would always help me find a solution.
   
     It was their actions that told me they loved me even though they said it regularly, my mother said it less than my father did, but she showed us so much more.  Think about the relationship you have with your children.  Ask them what their favorite memory is with you.  How often can you relive that memory for real with them?