Comfort Zones

          We all have our own comfort zones and we try to stay safely inside them.  We develop our comfort zones over a long period of time based on our experiences, interests, our likes and dislikes, our exposures to different things and our environment.  Someone who grew up in a family that traveled to many different states and countries is going to have a much different comfort zone than someone who grew up in a family that went to a nearby campground as their annual family vacation.  If you never learned to swim, your comfort level around water is going to be very different than someone who always had a pool in their backyard.  The older we get the harder it becomes to step out of our comfort zone.  

          My husband grew up on a hog farm and has no problem being around livestock at the state fair, on the other hand I was a city girl and while I love animals, I was never around large animals so I would prefer to skip the whole livestock section of the fair.  However, it's an experience he remembers as a way of life, he had to help on the farm because it was their livelihood and hiring someone meant cutbacks on other expenses, so the kids all chipped in and did their share.  I want him to be able to share those memories and experiences with our children so I hold my breath and watch where I step and follow along.  He tells stories of falling off a grain bin, spitting out of the hayloft, and tormenting pigs with various antics.  I grew up in a family that traveled on vacations.  By the time I graduated from high school, I had been to Canada, Mexico and at least 20 states.  I had never flown and had only stayed in a hotel on a school trip.  We loaded into the family sedan and towed a camper that had been given to my parents.  I could properly start a campfire by myself by age seven, though I wouldn't dream of handing my eight-year-old a match.  I saw Taos Pueblo, the Grand Canyon, Niagara Falls, a plaque marking the continental divide, Colorado Springs at night from 100 miles away, and watched my mom haggle with a souvenir shop owner in Mexico.  We pumped our fists to get truck drivers to honk at us, played the alphabet game and auto bingo.  We learned to identify constellations, flora, fauna and how to make plaster casts of animal footprints along a trail.  I learned how to properly toast a marshmallow and the best way to layer a hobo dinner.  However, if I even mention the word road-trip to my husband, he becomes very tense and opens every electronic mapping program he can find and compares routes, prints 37 copies of the final choice - in case he loses one - and 23 gray hairs magically appear at his temples. 

          If you've never been to church, your comfort level when asked to pray for someone is quite different than that of someone who has gone every Sunday their entire life - except once when they were five and had chickenpox.  Learning to step outside your comfort zone helps you grow into a stronger more well-rounded individual in all aspects of your life.  It's the same for Christians.  We don't all grow up as the child of a preacher and recite Bible verses at the dinner table for entertainment. We struggle with different areas of our faith.  The first time my husband and I joined a life group, I found it inspiring.  He found it nerve wracking.  I was more comfortable in my faith so sharing the experiences of it came more easily.  He had been raised in the church as a child, but hadn't attended regularly in some time when we got married.  I had attended youth retreats and was involved in youth group, whereas he remembered his mom making him sing in the children's choir. Our comfort levels weren't at the same place.  I expected him to notice this and step it up.  I mean after all, I couldn't revert backward, could I?  The best he could expect was for me to level off while he caught up.  I finally realized I needed to help him get to the next level.  I work better with kids, so this was tough for me because I knew if I wasn't careful I'd dumb it down too much and insult him.  I decided to pray for him.  After a few weeks, I didn't notice any changes or light bulb moments for him, so I took it to my small group.  There is strength in numbers and it made a difference.  I'm at the phase where I would love to make an annual mission trip as our family vacation.  My husband is NOT there.  He finally got to the place when I told him I really want to go, that he doesn't ask why.  The last time, he said if it was that important to me, then he would help me work it out and raise the money.  

          When you find yourself in an unfamiliar situation how do you respond?  Do you run?  Do you hope it will end soon?  Or do you consider it an adventure?  If you aren't sure how to take the next (or first) step in your faith, start by praying about it.  Here's a simple prayer to get you started if you aren't comfortable with that step yet:  

Heavenly Father, I'm ready to begin a new journey with you as my guide.  Help me to understand that you have a plan for me and that you will reveal it as I'm ready.  I need guidance as I start the next step of my faith. Amen.

Isaiah 42:16 I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.  

As you step outside your comfort zone, know that God is with you, He'll pick you up when you fall and He'll light your path if you ask him to.  God has manners, he will not go where he is not asked so invite him in and He will bring His blessing on you.  

I Could Have Handled That Better - Much Better.

          Have you ever had a situation you didn't handle well?  If you say no, you are probably lying.  We often live life with regrets.  Once the moment has passed, the event is part of your history.  You can live with regret or learn from the situation and turn it around.  As a parent, I can say I make more mistakes than I have in anything else I've ever done.  My husband and I are responsible for molding four young lives into upstanding young adults - if they live that long.  I love my children very much but they are a handful with lots of energy.  For anyone.  I once asked Justin's preschool teacher why she never asked me to volunteer even though I had offered on several occasions.  She told me they felt I needed a break.  That was a huge sigh of relief.  I realized at that very moment it wasn't just me.  I was reassured by an educator they were the most challenging personalities to raise as young children, but they would make up for it tenfold as they got older and learned to channel their energy for the greater good, I pray every day that she's right.
          Yesterday afternoon my oldest son (11 next week) complained that he didn't have any clean pants to wear.  I asked him to put all of his dirty clothes in the hamper and told him I would wash jeans that night.  This morning I got up and started the laundry - in a rush because I had forgotten last night.  I noticed he did not have a single pair of jeans in the hamper.  I decided to teach him a lesson and do the laundry anyway.  We've been telling them for months if their clothes aren't in the hamper, they won't get washed.
          We often give in if we know they need something specific washed.  Not this time.  Proverbs 29:17 Correct your son, and he shall give you rest; yes, he shall give delight to your soul.  I patted myself on the back as I headed back to bed.  Pride surely goeth before a fall.  I was about to fall.
          My husband went into the boys' room to see what exactly Tyler had to wear only to discover the child pulling out a stash of clean clothes he had hidden instead of putting away on his last brownie points spree.  I lost it. I was angry.  His laziness often causes us more work or interruptions to our schedule because he didn't complete a simple task in a timely fashion.   Laundry is one of the biggest struggles in our household.  With four kids it's nearly impossible to keep up, especially with the youngest still potty training.  As soon as one of my children was able to walk with a toy, they learned to put their dirty clothes in the hamper.  This is a great age to start them, because it's ingrained into their little brains by the time they start school.  A few reminders now and then are needed but for the most part, it's a successful training system.
          Back to the earlier statements, I was angry and I lost it and yelled, "Are #%@ing kidding me?"  My husband - usually the swearer in our home, reminded me, "Language."  I lost my temper in front of my children and used a word I don't particularly care to hear.   What kind of lesson did I set for them?  It's okay to swear if you're really angry?  Or if the person did something really wrong?  I've ran the scenario through my head dozens of times today wishing I could take back my angry words.  I finally realized it was futile and prayed about how to turn it into a positive and lesson of humility for the kids.  Apologizing to them and explaining that I handled it wrong could help them learn to admit mistakes in the future.  They can learn that even grown-ups make mistakes they have to apologize for.  They can learn that it takes a bigger person to apologize for wrongdoings than excuse it away.  I felt ashamed for using that language in front of my kids and I have to admit it wasn't the first time.  I can only pray that it will be the last time.
          As a Christian or person of faith (any faith) we are not perfect.  You don't just wake up one day and decide you're going to dedicate your life to God and never commit another sin.  Practicing our faith makes us better, stronger Christians.  God loves us and wants us to be good.  He wants us to think of others first and share our bounty, but He also knows we can't do it alone.  If you've ever watched a young child make their bed for the first time, completely by himself, then you know what I'm talking about.  It kills us not to help because we know it would look much better if we did, but pride won't let them ask because they think they are capable of something they cannot possibly do alone.  They get better each time and over the years they finally get it right, meanwhile they continue to add to the list of things they need to learn.  If they let you help them, they master the skills much more quickly than if they try to figure it out on their own.  It's the same with God.  We must ask for his help when we begin a new project or phase of our life.  He will guide us along the path until He is certain we know our way.  As we turn onto new paths, we need His assistance again until we gain a good foothold.  He is always there to light the path, if it grows dark and he'll pick us up everytime we stumble.

The Commitment

Our life has been a whirlwind in the past year with many changes and new directions.  I had begun a personal journey and the momentum suddenly picked up.  Now it's taking full flight and I want to bring you along for the ride.  


My husband and I made a commitment to raise our children in the church and to practice our faith.  Not just the beautiful speech read in front of the congregation at their christenings, but a true renewed commitment to devoting our family to serve the Lord.  Something that goes beyond saying grace before dinner at home and attending church on Sundays.  To actually build a real relationship with God, through Jesus Christ our Savior,with our children.  Bringing the phrase "what would Jesus do?" into our everyday lives and thinking about the consequences of our every action, word, and thought.  


Raising children in the twenty-first century has challenges that no other generation before has had to experience.  Thanks to the internet and cyber-technology, we have to fight demons we never knew existed before, many we still don't know we're fighting.  Our children can go into dark shadowy places we would never allow them to go to in reality without ever leaving their home.  Parental control has gone from meaning having a strict hand to guide your child to a complex set of protocols that come with reports and settings and passwords.  


We have challenged ourselves to tackle one area at a time in training and teaching our children to grow into self-reliant productive citizens who know how to live in their faith and serve others.  Addressing subjects such as materialism, greed, responsibility to self, responsibility to family, responsibility to community, environmentalism, nutrition, manners, accountability, and spiritual growth are the first steps to bringing our family closer to God and a sense of fulfillment.  Imagine how we could change society if every parent could follow this same path and teach their children to live responsibly and put other's needs first. That's a world I want to live in.  I can't change the world, but I can try by teaching my children and others how to change it, creating a self-propelled wave of love and kindness.  Join my family on our journey as we hope to inspire others to love our world enough to want to change if for the better.